Endings, Beginnings, and Struggles

This year has brought about a lot of changes for me.

In February, after almost 7 years of babysitting out of my home, I handed in my resignation to all of the families I worked for, effective the end of the school year. It was a really difficult decision, full of emotions and stress. But my health was failing, I had so many demands that only I could meet, and with three kids in school the upcoming year, I was going to be needed more.

When I'm asked if I miss the babysitting, it's hard to find the right answer. I don't miss a lot of it, but I miss the kids so much. I miss the snuggles, the laughter, them growing. My house is so quiet now as it's just me and our pets during the day. But I'm able to focus more on my business during the day and be more available for the kids when they get home from school.

But it really is a struggle for me to get used to the new schedule.

A lot of people have been asking me how things are going, and I love the support I'm getting.

But there are some people who do a double take, who expect me to go out and get "a real job" now that I'm done babysitting and all three kids are in school. I then get the dreaded question:

"So, what do you do all day then?"

I never know how to answer. I'm sure they picture me sitting on my couch, watching tv and eating chocolate all day.

I usually stumble through a quick line about some project I'm working on, but what I really want to say is this:

I've been a mom for 10 1/2 years now, and a wife for almost 9. In all that time, I have not been a priority. Kids always need to be fed, diapers changed, protected, entertained. Husbands need to be fed, his clothes ready for work.

Please don't get me wrong, I love being a wife and mother.

But somewhere in all that time I lost myself.

If I didn't get a shower every day, or sometimes even every other day, that became the norm.

If I needed new clothes, I probably wouldn't get them because kids needed diapers or school supplies. And that became okay.

My life became sweatpants, frumpy hair, doing chores and errands for everyone else. Because their needs felt greater than my own.

I don't know how to take care of me without feeling guilty about it.

I have so many obligations for my business right now. Christmas is coming, so I need to get stock built up and in my Etsy store, promote my Christmas products, and work on commissions that will be gifts. I'm promoting the first book in the children's book series that I illustrated as well as starting work on book 2.

I'm volunteering for an hour every other week in Ryan's classroom by helping out with math. I just went with the kindergartners on my very first field trip this past week. My oldest two kids are in 4th and 5th grades, and I hadn't been on a field trip yet.

Mommy and Ry at the pumpkin patch!

I'm busy, so busy...doing important, wonderful things.

And when the house work doesn't get done, I'm the only one who seems bothered by it. I feel like I'm not serving my family the way they need, which is crazy. And yes, my husband and kids help out so much around here, so please don't think otherwise.

Last night, I gave myself a pep talk. I told myself that I was doing fine, I just had to get into my rhythm and adapt to the new schedule. I went to sleep, doubting that I'd be able to stay pumped up for today, figuring it would be another depressing day of not getting much done and feeling like I needed to scramble just to survive the day.

But this morning I woke up, ready to face the day.

My kids got on the bus at 7:30, and for an hour and a half I cleaned.

I didn't get everything done, but that was okay. The house looked so much better that it had been, and I could focus on work. I then sent out emails, I photographed products and listed them on Etsy. I wrote a blog post for my business blog, I took a long hot shower, and got caught up on laundry (6 loads were washed, folded, AND put away today! It's a miracle!).

Today wasn't perfect. My work stuff is still all over the coffee table, there are still crumbs on the counters, and the toilets weren't scrubbed.

But it was a better day. And tomorrow might not be a good day, but it's going to take time to build this habit of finding balance and finding me in this new stage of life.

Answering the "what do you do all day" question still isn't going to be easy, and that's okay. But it's not going to be a quick, shy answer anymore. I don't know what I'll say yet, but every day that passes, that answer will be more confident than the day before.


How are you guys doing? How do you balance everything in your life?

Financial Friday: Emergency funds

Financial Fridays: Emergency funds

What a response last week! I'm really excited that people are so interested in getting their finances in order. Just remember, it's not easy, but sooo worth it!

If your refrigerator was to die today, what would you do? Would you panic because you had no way to pay for it? Would you race to the store and buy the first one you see, and then use your credit card (or even open a new credit card account) to pay for it? Or would you be able to calmly go to the store, pick out a great fridge, and buy it in cash?

I'm sure many of us would either panic or use a credit card. This only leads to stress, buyer's remorse, and spending more money than you thought (due to interest on the credit card). But with an emergency fund in place, emergencies will seem a lot less stressful.

What is an emergency fund? Well, it is just that: money set aside for when emergencies happen, because I'm sure you all know that emergencies do happen!

Where do I keep an emergency fund? What we do (and Dave Ramsey recommends) is we have a money market account (ours is through Capital One). It makes more interest than a typical savings account, and we have a checkbook that goes with it, making emergencies much easier to deal with; there's no transferring of money or running to the bank involved. The interest we're getting right now is extremely low (less than 1%), but when we started, I think it was between 6 and 7%, and we were making quite a bit of money each month (and who doesn't love free money?).

How much should I have in an emergency fund? For right now, $1000, or $500 if your income is less than $20,000. Later, after all your debt (excluding mortgage) is paid off, it'll be increased to 3-6 months living expenses.

How am I supposed to find the money for an emergency fund? I can barely pay my bills! This is the hard part. Try saving a few dollars every month, even if it's only $5. Put any unexpected income into your fund, whether it be overtime you weren't expecting, a bonus from work, or that $20 you found in an old purse. Every little bit helps. It's not going to happen overnight (unless you have a fund already established or you have $1000 sitting around unused). But once it's there, you won't worry so much about a car breaking down or living without a stove as much.

A tool that will greatly help in saving, either for an emergency fund or for bigger purchases, is that dreaded B word we all love to hate: Budget. We'll talk about how to start setting one up next week!

And, as promised, some tips for saving money in unexpected places! I'm sure a lot of us know the usual tricks, like eat out less, make your own coffee in the mornings, and bring your own lunch to work. But what if you're already doing that, or it's not making a big difference in your budget? Here are some ways we save money on laundry:

Hang the clothes out to dry: I'm sure this is an obvious one! What's better than pulling bed sheets off the line and they smell all fresh from being outside? I love that smell! Granted, this is probably a seasonal thing for most of you, but even during the summer it can cut costs. And for a few dollars start up cost for line and clothes pins, it really pays for itself!

Use your machines at off peak times: Off peak times are apparently first thing in the morning and late at night. I've tried that and haven't seen a big enough change in my bill to warrant me only doing laundry at those times, but who knows, maybe it would work for you!

Make your own fabric softener: I was wary about trying this...but I'm soooo glad I did! My clothes are all softer and smell better. It's not as strong of a smell as fabric softener, but because I get to choose the scent I want it to be, I like it better. You could skip the conditioner and just use vinegar, but I like the smell of the conditioner added. I even used a little less than what was recommended and didn't notice enough of a difference to go back to adding more. We buy gallon jugs of vinegar (and they only cost .25 more than buying a quart jar!) and I use whatever cheap conditioner I find.

Make your own dryer sheets: I have yet to try this one; I had just bought a huge box of dryer sheets at BJ's when I discovered this. Instead of cutting up fabric like they suggest, I'm going to try some baby washcloths that have seen better days!

Make your own laundry detergent: I haven't tried this either as I tend to be a detergent snob. I've heard great things about those who have tried it, so it's something I may consider in the future......maybe.

All the principles regarding the emergency fund were based on Dave Ramsey's teachings from Financial Peace University. I only touched on the subject; for further information, you can check out his website! And as always, feel free to ask me questions about emergency funds or anything else :)

How would an emergency fund change your life? How do you save money when you do laundry?