Endings, Beginnings, and Struggles

This year has brought about a lot of changes for me.

In February, after almost 7 years of babysitting out of my home, I handed in my resignation to all of the families I worked for, effective the end of the school year. It was a really difficult decision, full of emotions and stress. But my health was failing, I had so many demands that only I could meet, and with three kids in school the upcoming year, I was going to be needed more.

When I'm asked if I miss the babysitting, it's hard to find the right answer. I don't miss a lot of it, but I miss the kids so much. I miss the snuggles, the laughter, them growing. My house is so quiet now as it's just me and our pets during the day. But I'm able to focus more on my business during the day and be more available for the kids when they get home from school.

But it really is a struggle for me to get used to the new schedule.

A lot of people have been asking me how things are going, and I love the support I'm getting.

But there are some people who do a double take, who expect me to go out and get "a real job" now that I'm done babysitting and all three kids are in school. I then get the dreaded question:

"So, what do you do all day then?"

I never know how to answer. I'm sure they picture me sitting on my couch, watching tv and eating chocolate all day.

I usually stumble through a quick line about some project I'm working on, but what I really want to say is this:

I've been a mom for 10 1/2 years now, and a wife for almost 9. In all that time, I have not been a priority. Kids always need to be fed, diapers changed, protected, entertained. Husbands need to be fed, his clothes ready for work.

Please don't get me wrong, I love being a wife and mother.

But somewhere in all that time I lost myself.

If I didn't get a shower every day, or sometimes even every other day, that became the norm.

If I needed new clothes, I probably wouldn't get them because kids needed diapers or school supplies. And that became okay.

My life became sweatpants, frumpy hair, doing chores and errands for everyone else. Because their needs felt greater than my own.

I don't know how to take care of me without feeling guilty about it.

I have so many obligations for my business right now. Christmas is coming, so I need to get stock built up and in my Etsy store, promote my Christmas products, and work on commissions that will be gifts. I'm promoting the first book in the children's book series that I illustrated as well as starting work on book 2.

I'm volunteering for an hour every other week in Ryan's classroom by helping out with math. I just went with the kindergartners on my very first field trip this past week. My oldest two kids are in 4th and 5th grades, and I hadn't been on a field trip yet.

Mommy and Ry at the pumpkin patch!

I'm busy, so busy...doing important, wonderful things.

And when the house work doesn't get done, I'm the only one who seems bothered by it. I feel like I'm not serving my family the way they need, which is crazy. And yes, my husband and kids help out so much around here, so please don't think otherwise.

Last night, I gave myself a pep talk. I told myself that I was doing fine, I just had to get into my rhythm and adapt to the new schedule. I went to sleep, doubting that I'd be able to stay pumped up for today, figuring it would be another depressing day of not getting much done and feeling like I needed to scramble just to survive the day.

But this morning I woke up, ready to face the day.

My kids got on the bus at 7:30, and for an hour and a half I cleaned.

I didn't get everything done, but that was okay. The house looked so much better that it had been, and I could focus on work. I then sent out emails, I photographed products and listed them on Etsy. I wrote a blog post for my business blog, I took a long hot shower, and got caught up on laundry (6 loads were washed, folded, AND put away today! It's a miracle!).

Today wasn't perfect. My work stuff is still all over the coffee table, there are still crumbs on the counters, and the toilets weren't scrubbed.

But it was a better day. And tomorrow might not be a good day, but it's going to take time to build this habit of finding balance and finding me in this new stage of life.

Answering the "what do you do all day" question still isn't going to be easy, and that's okay. But it's not going to be a quick, shy answer anymore. I don't know what I'll say yet, but every day that passes, that answer will be more confident than the day before.


How are you guys doing? How do you balance everything in your life?

As if I Wasn't Emotional Enough Already...

Paigey's birthday is in 5 days.

Today's post was supposed to be about me and my crazy emotions dealing with it, but maybe I'll get it up tomorrow instead.

However, my emotions took another hit today when I was talking to Paigey about her rough day at school. There is a bully in her class, and today was especially rough for everyone in the class. She was going on and on about how rough it was, and when I asked her what part was the hardest for her, I was blown away by her response:

Mom, I don't think he knows who God is, and that makes me sad.

Totally not what I was expecting!

She was thinking about seeing if one of her extra Bibles is in good enough shape to give to him, and I told her I thought that might be a good idea. I know the kid and his parents personally, and I know that all 3 of them would be okay with it; the kid has asked me questions before and even joined a session of our family Bible study once.

Before we had to finish our talk and go eat dinner, I asked her if she had asked Jesus into her heart yet. I know she hadn't been ready before, and the last thing I want to do is push her into a decision she doesn't want to make. She has been changing her attitude and maturing more, and asking some really good questions about the Bible and who God is.

Her response?

I did it last night, Mom!

We had to cut our family Bible study short due to crazy children, so if they wanted to take a book to bed, they had to take a Bible or a devotional to look at. Paigey took her Bible, notebook, colored pencils, and memory verses from Sunday school to bed, read for awhile, and made her decision to accept Jesus.

I bawled like a baby.

It's no secret that Paige is our most challenging child. She is very strong willed, and my biggest fear is that we were going to lose her, that she would rebel and we would never see her again once she hit her teen years. I've been praying for this girl for years now, for her to change her attitude and maybe even become a Christian, if that's what she chose. With how she has changed lately, I truly believe this is as genuine as it can be for a girl 5 days shy of turning 8 years old. And I am truly shocked and excited and feeling so blessed.

Another Daddyless Weekend

What a weekend.

Technically it was a three-day weekend for the kids as they had a snow day Friday. I apologize for the lack of Financial Friday posting that I promised on Facebook; I was playing referee all day to three super cranky kids and barely had time to sit, let alone blog.

The highlights of the day:

- We made holders for valentines. I didn't take pictures of the during or after process, but it was based on this craft here.

- We had a surprise visitor!!!! Our friend Preston (best man at our wedding, Ryan's named after him) lives out of town, but he was going on our church's retreat this weekend as the worship leader. He came in a day early to avoid the snow storm, and when he saw the kids had a day off, he had to stop by to see his niece and nephews!

Nate attacking Uncle Preston!

Pete also went on the church's retreat this weekend. He left late afternoon/early evening Friday and was home yesterday mid-afternoon. It was weird not having him home but having the kids here; it really didn't feel like a weekend

When we weren't fighting/throwing tantrums/sitting in time out, we had some fun:

- We made mini deep dish pizzas for lunch. This is one of our favorites, and the kids love being able to choose their own toppings:

Ryan's pizza: Olives, pepperoni, cheese, no sauce

Nate's pizza: Extra sauce, cheese, olives, pepperoni.

 

Paigey's pizza: Sauce, olives, pepperoni, onions, extra cheese

 

 

- We had popcorn and hot chocolate as we watched 'Mary Poppins'. After the popcorn was gone, we snuggled <3

 

- The cat gave me a heart attack: I was making my bed when out of the corner of my eye I saw someone watching me...

Excuse the mess...Hi Moe!

 - We watched deer in the cornfield behind our house

- We were blessed with a beautiful Sunday morning:

- We had a Spaghetti pie faced Darth Vader who was so happy to have his daddy home:

- And to top it all off, Nate lost his first tooth! He was soooo excited. Not only did he get to use his monster tooth bag I made him, but the Tooth Fairy was coming to visit him, not his sister!

I can't complain too much about the weekend. I mean, the kids fought a lot, I was exhausted and barely had time to relax, but we had some fun, too. Pete enjoyed the retreat, and even though he came home exhausted, he was refreshed. That helped the rest of us take a chill pill and relax, too!


What did you do this weekend?

Thankfulness Days 12 and 13: My Kids Are Growing Up...

You hear me complain frequently here that I hate the fact that my kids are growing up. I try to make the most of every moment with them (it doesn't always work!), but there are some great perks of them growing up that we've noticed the past couple days:

Their taste buds change! Paige has been a picky eater, but now she loves new things: hot peppers, beans, and squash to name a few! She even will eat salad now. The trick? She cuts the pieces of lettuce up really tiny! Apparently she didn't like it because she was always getting the dressing all over her face. Who knew?!?

NO MORE DIAPERS!!!!!!!!! This may be premature, but I think Ryan is potty trained! Five out of the past six nights Ryan has been dry! We have been accident free since Friday morning, and that was only because he was a split second too late getting to the potty when he woke up. My budget is breathing a sigh of relief :)

Nate is learning to tie his shoes! One less thing for this momma to take care of :)

But one of my favorite things? I get to redecorate the finished portion of our basement!

Right now it looks like this:

Okay, so not exactly like that. The spider web on the floor was for a preschool activity last month, and now there are toys all over the place...but you get the idea! It's a long narrow room, divided into a play area and then an office/sewing/library area in the back half. Our goal has been to start turning the play room part into a den area and game room when the kids started getting older.

The hardest part of the switch? Picking a color scheme!

We finally decided upon the winning colors this weekend. Here's the fabric which is our inspiration:

via fabric.com

This is going to be a few throw pillows on the couch and futon, and the walls will be a light gray.

We also picked up fabric for curtains, a pale and medium chevron pattern. We had a hard time deciding on fabric for the curtains! The ones we liked were almost $8/yard, and as we were going to need eight yards, there was no way we wanted to spend that kind of money. We went to a local fabric chain store this weekend, and not only did we find the perfect fabric, but it was on sale for $3.49/yard! Less than $30 later, we had our fabric :) We'll be hanging curtain panels between the play room and office area, as well as new curtain panels for our craft and game closet (you can barely see the current curtains in the bottom right hand picture of our play room now).

We're also going to have solid color pillows in coordinating colors, plus a red and white chevron pillow for Miss Paige; she wanted red, white and gray as the color scheme, but the rest of our family voted for the winning color scheme.

A throw rug may also show up at some time as well, but we haven't decided on which color to go with.

One one of the walls, we're planning on doing this with thrift store frames:

via Living Well Spending Less

The frames will be spray painted in the red, turquoise, and dark gray or black colors. The kids can't wait to have their art work on display, and this momma can't wait to have art work that is easy to switch! We'll devote a big portion of one wall to this.

Eventually we'd love to change the flooring and add more lighting; there are only two ceiling lights, and one works half the time. We'll probably get a couple floor lamps for now if we can find them cheaply. We also have a foosball/ping pong/air hockey table that will end up in there, but the kids aren't quite ready to give up all the floor space yet!

Planning this is hard because it means my kids are growing up, but exciting as this is the one room where I feel like I can really show off my spunky side in my decorating and not have Pete cringe (he's the one who found the curtain fabric!). We hope that the colors will be able to grow with them, and that this will really be a room we'll all enjoy for years to come. We want the kids to have a fun space to have friends come over and hang out.


What do you have to be thankful for today?

The First Day of School!

Wednesday was the first day of school for us, and now we're putting TWO kids on the bus...*snif snif*....yes, I did cry. And again on Thursday.

Our girl Paigey is going into second grade! Her teacher is Mrs. Fuller, and because Mrs. Fuller was her reading teacher last year, Paige is super excited to have her all the time this year! Her favorite thing about the day was art class.

Here's how much she's grown over the past couple years:

Kindergarten 2010, First Grade 2011, Second Grade 2012

And Nate started kindergarten! He LOVES it! His teacher is Mrs. Forti, who he knows really well as I babysit her children. His favorite thing about his first day was drawing on the Smart Board!

Add caption

Here's how much he's grown the past year:

Preschool 2011, Kindergarten 2012!

My kids are growing up way too fast!

My cuties

We're also putting Nate's best friend, J, on the bus and getting him off the bus again in the afternoon. It's helpful they already have a friend to sit with, and they're in the same class. Their cubbies are even next to each other!

And my favorite pic from the morning. It's a bit of an outtake as Nate's blinking, but it captures how Ryan was feeling about the whole thing perfectly!

Please don't leave me!!!!

Ry and I were planning on going grocery shopping and out to lunch, but we ended up babysitting. It worked out for the best, as my house would have been too quiet with just me and Ry!

Ryan and I are struggling a little bit, but we're managing to keep fairly busy. Wednesday I babysat, Thursday he had his first day of preschool (I'm home schooling him for that), then we went grocery shopping and out to lunch. And today was crazy insane babysitting day, but it went much smoother than we anticipated. We miss the kids a lot, but I think he's enjoying getting to be the big kid!


What was your favorite thing about the first day of school?

Milestones

It's a bitter sweet time in our house these days; we're hitting some milestones, some really exciting and some kind of sad:

- Ryan is ALMOST potty trained! 
He's gone out on errands with no accidents, and the past three nights he's only had one accident, and that was because he was so tired he couldn't find the bathroom when he tried to go.

- Nate's feet are almost the size of Paige's.
Random milestone, I know, but it's ridiculous, especially as her feet have grown 3 shoe sizes this summer alone! There is less than a quarter of an inch difference in their foot sizes.

- We have NO 0-3 month baby clothes in the house. 
Over a year ago, we gave all our baby boy clothes to my brother and his wife when they welcomed their son into the world. A week ago, Pete's sister and her husband gave birth to their daughter. What kind of aunt would I be if I didn't help clothe my nephew and niece? I love seeing them in outfits I loved putting on our kids, but at the same time, it means our kids are definitely growing up, and we are truly done having children.

- Last night was the first time I was truly okay with not having more children.
We had a bonfire last night, and just knowing the kids were okay if they had to run into the bathroom or get more to drink so we could monitor the fire was wonderful. I don't remember the last time we had to change a diaper for Ryan, and that is an awesome feeling!

- Tomorrow Nate and I go to his kindergarten Meet & Greet...and although he's okay with that, this mom is not!
Nate's my buddy, my helper, and my snuggler. Usually if kids are favoring Daddy, he is still a Mommy's boy. I'm going to miss him terribly during the day! I know he's going to have a blast at school; he knows his teacher really well (I babysit for her), and his best friends are going to be in his class. I'm not worried about how he'll handle it, but how I'll do!!! Is that normal?

- The kids start school next Wednesday; I will have a kindergartener and a second grader...and a toddler/preschooler at home.
You know how in the last milestone I was worried how I'll handle it? Pete's a little sad about it all too! We're definitely looking forward to them growing up, but learning to cherish all the moments we have, whether good or bad, while we have them.

- Our playroom is starting to transform into a den.
I went through and organized more last week. We now have less toys, more seating and a TV and DVD player that are almost hooked up (we're missing a cord...). Our vision is to eventually have it be a fun place for our kids to have friends come over, play games, watch movies, and just hang out. We have a fooseball/air hockey/ping pong table waiting for that day when it can finally be our game room, but for now, we'll just enjoy half play half game room :)

- I bit the bullet and am opening an Etsy site!
I make nursing covers and silky blankets, and will be expanding to make hot & cold rice bags and nursing pillow covers soon, and then further expanding to other fun things down the road. I haven't finished opening it yet...why? I'm scared! I hate rejection and strive for perfection...and nothing I make meets my standards. Look for the official announcement of it's grand opening soon!

- Paigey-girl lost her 8th tooth!
Now Nate'll be the one losing them every time we turn around...*sigh*...but thankfully I'll get a break playing tooth fairy for awhile. I only forgot once, and was so thankful it was the night of a snow storm. Paige was devastated, but we told her the tooth fairy had to stay home so she'd be safe, but would be here as soon as the weather calmed down. Paige liked that the tooth fairy got snow days too, and was very okay with that! Gold star for this mom thinking fast on her feet!


Have you or your family hit any milestones lately? Do share!